Emotions can be very confusing. Because, first of all, emotions feel exactly like feelings.


    The emotion of anger feels just like the feeling of anger, only it lasts longer than 5 minutes.

    Were you ever angry for more than 5 minutes? If yes, then it was not a feeling, it was emotional anger.


    The emotion of sadness feels just like the feeling of sadness, only it lasts longer than 5 minutes.

    Were you ever sad for more than 5 minutes? If yes, then it was not a feeling, it was emotional sadness.


    The emotion of fear feels just like the feeling of fear, only it lasts longer than 5 minutes.

    Were you ever afraid for more than 5 minutes? If yes, then it was not a feeling, it was emotional fear.


    The emotion of joy feels just like the feeling of joy, only it lasts longer than 5 minutes.

    Were you ever happy for more than 5 minutes? If yes, then it was not a feeling, it was emotional joy. This can be very discouraging news... it was for me. It ruined my life of the smiley face nice-boy, pretending to be happy as a show.


    Another reason emotions can be confusing is because emotions can be mixed together to create a single experience that is very convincingly intense. Mixed emotions are so intense and all-consuming that you probably believe they are real feelings. But they are not. Mixed emotions are just emotions, a gateway for a healing process for you.


    For right now, think about this: did you ever feel jealous? How intense it was? It was probably so intense you could not taste your orange juice. Did you ever feel like getting revenge? Did you ever feel guilt? Did you ever feel shame? Did you ever fees despair? Did you ever feel hysterical? Did you ever feel depressed? These are only a few of the many mixed emotions it is possible to concoct for ourselves as a survival strategy instead of powerfully unmixing the emotions and using each one separately to powerfully handle things in your life.


    Until now very few people in the world know about the difference between feelings and emotions, and even fewer are able to use their emotions as gateways for healing processes.



    We want to talk about emotions not because we think there is a problem, or we think we can make emotions go away simply by understanding them. We want to talk about feelings for a very practical reason: talking about emotions can bring you clarity about emotions, and this can change your life for the better. If you have clarity about emotions you can have choice about going into the emotional states or not. You can also gain the power to distinguish between feelings and emotions and get your energy back from emotions. Emotions are a powerful invitation to experience a transformational healing process.


    The reason I chose to show a piece of Boticelli's painting of Dante's Inferno is because it is a thoughtmap. It is a thoughtmap of how Boticelli imagined Dante's version of hell. A map of hell could be quite useful if you were ever in hell and you wanted to find an exit and get out.


    Feelings emotions and not knowing they are emotions (thinking they are feelings...) is a lot like being in hell. Knowing the thoughtmap of 4 feelings is an amazingly powerful aid to getting out of emotional hell. Feeling emotions is part of surviving. There is a huge difference between surviving, and living.


    (Show full painting)

  • Grief & Praise by Martin Pretchel


    There are four kinds of emotions.

    Distinguishing the four kinds of emotions is done by gaining experiential clarity about

    exactly how and why you created the emotion in the first place.

    1. Child emotions

    2. Parent emotions

    3. Gremlin emotions

    4. Energetic Vampire Entity emotions


    Imagine trying to be in relationship, trying to solve problems, trying to be in a group, trying to hold a post in an organization, trying to be a politician or a mediator or a manager or a sargeant in the military, or trying to be a parent or teacher or healer and not being able to navigate the shadowy world of emotions. It would be nearly impossible.

    This could explain a lot about the quality of your life so far... It could also explain a lot about the state of the world right now...

    1. Child emotions

    2. Parent emotions

    3. Gremlin emotions

    4. Energetic Vampire Entity emotions


    Without understanding the difference between emotions and feelings we may struggle in relationship thinking that emotions and feelings are the same thing. Emotions and feelings are not the same thing. One of the steps in establishing yourself in the Adult ego state and entering Extraordinary Human Relationship is to live in the distinction between emotions and feelings. Without having this distinction on the pads of your fingers and the tip of your tongue you will keep being confused thinking that emotions are feelings when, in fact, emotions are not feelings. For our purposes: Emotions are incomplete feelings from the past or from someone else that feel present only because they are still locked in your body unexpressed.
    Emotions from the past are triggered through present association. That is, some detail in the present situation resonates with an uncompleted feeling that is stuck in your tissues from the recent or distant past. The resonance between the unprocessed emotion and the present situation awakens the unexpressed emotion as if it were a present experience.
    In actuality, this is the healing opportunity that you have been waiting for. The emotion is a signal announcing to your consciousness that there is an unexpressed feeling locked in your muscles that, in this moment, has a chance to be healed. The healing occurs through recognizing and understanding the emotion from the Adult perspective. The redeeming value of emotional pain is when the pain becomes conscious. Gaining clarity about the validity of the emotion and the cause of the emotion, in other words, by hearing the emotion’s personal painful story, completes the communication and vanishes the emotion forever. But since we are not trained or practiced at going through the process of completing communications, we instead think that the emotion is a real feeling. We assume that, since we are feeling anger, fear, sadness or joy, the emotion must be a true and justified reaction to the person standing in front of us, or to our present circumstances that “caused” the emotion. Lacking clarity about what is really happening, we project our emotion onto the person or circumstance. We blame the other person, we react with fear and anger toward the circumstance, we feel sad or depressed, and this is how we create spending our days and our nights in Ordinary Human Relationship. I tell you, the moment I realized that all the joy I had been feeling fairly consistently since my childhood was actually emotional joy and not a real feeling at all, it ruined my day.
    Although both feelings and emotions at first feel the same and fall into one of the four categories of anger, sadness, joy or fear, it is very easy to experientially distinguish emotions from feelings. Here is how: Feelings are triggered, they arise, the energy and information gets used, and then, within a minute or so, they are completely gone from your body. Emotions on the other hand, are triggered, they arise, and then no matter how you seem to express them, they persist in your experience.
    Did you every feel scared and then an hour later you were still scared? That is emotional fear. Did you ever feel angry and then a day later you were still angry? That is emotional anger. Did you ever feel sad and then a week later you were still sad? That is emotional sadness. If you feel a feeling and five minutes later you are still feeling that feeling, it is not a feeling at all. It is an emotion. By paying attention you will soon learn to backtrack along the course of the feeling to its point of origin. If the point of origin of the feeling experience is in the wordless present, it is a feeling. If the point of origin of the feeling experience is a sentence or a picture in your mind’s eye, it is an emotion.
    I still remember the moment when at thirty-eight years old I experienced my first Adult feeling. My anger arose to 100-percent intensity, was used to make a boundary communication with a petty tyrant, completed itself and vanished from my body in less than a minute. In the next moment I was talking with a different person about something else entirely, freely laughing as if nothing had occurred just a moment before. This was so new and strange that at first I thought perhaps I was going insane. But then I realized, “This is what it feels like to have a real feeling.”
    To avoid letting emotions run their automatic and often obnoxiously disruptive course in your relationships, you need only open the smallest gap between the picture or thought that triggers the emotion and the Box’s automatic reactionary machinery. You have about one instant of time to open this gap. Opening the gap will stall out the mechanical process. Like with an orgasm, once the Box’s machinery starts chugging away there is no stopping it until it runs its full course – you must ride it out, and precious time and energy are lost in the meantime. But, if you blast a little gap between the origin of the emotion and the Box’s reaction mechanism, then the machine never starts going. Sense the trigger being stimulated; throw in the gap; hold the gap in place; wait a few seconds, and in those few seconds the triggering momentum will die out. Let the train come into the station but do not get on the train. Wait. Wait. Make no sudden moves. Soon the train will proceed on its way, not taking you with it. Then you can stay in the blissful present.
    A straightforward way to blast the gap between the triggering thought or picture and the emotional reaction mechanism is by naming the emotion as an emotion. In your mind, or out loud if you like, you distinguish the experience by giving it a name: “This trigger is only an emotion.” Hold that thought. Tag the incident for later work if you want, but do the work at some other time . . . and away from the person or the circumstance with whom you are presently involved. The emotion has nothing at all to do with the person standing in front of you. They simply provide the triggering-association stimulus. Be grateful for the learning opportunity they have provided. Then drastically change the subject of your conversation.
    An emotional reaction reveals a wound that still needs healing. If you make a practice of inserting gaps between the triggering circumstances and the ensuing emotional reaction, then the healing will tend to take care of itself. Growing up involves learning that you do indeed have unhealed wounds, and also realizing, “So what?” You can never heal all the old wounds anyway. Say thanks to the triggering experience, thanks to any other people involved, thanks to your own discipline to not get on the emotional-machinery train, thanks to the gap, then go on creating for yourself and other people experiments in Extraordinary Human Relationship overflowing with Extraordinary Human Love.

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